Sharp Tooth

I realized something today while eating an orange. It would be really awful to be a carnivore. Why? Well, besides the obvious reason of NOT being able to eat oranges, there is one simple fact that is, quite frankly, a deal breaker: canines. All of your teeth are canines! Okay, yeah, it sounds cool, having this mouth full of knives, but thinking about it doesn't get you very far. You need to actually try eating food with your canines. This thought came to me when I realized that I only eat out of one side of my mouth. So instead I moved to the other side of my mouth, and was reminded why I ate on the original side in the first place. It kinda hurt my teeth to eat on that side, so I moved back, only to find that it also hurt on that side, though significantly less. So the idea struck me that I should go all Wild Cat and move to the front of my mouth, where none of my teeth hurt. Well... this just failed. I can't properly break down food in that position. Therefore, I am happy to be an omnivore.

L-A-U-G-H

Over Thanksgiving break, I went home for a few days. It was nice being back, sleeping in my own queen-sized bed. I got to eat food that I actually enjoyed, particularly crapes. My best collage friend (the Chinese one) got to come with us, and enjoy her first Thanksgiving feast, although she missed out on the Packer game. However, the entire time, something felt a little wrong... I didn't realize it until later, when I came back home (yes, I now call my dorm 'home'). I only got to see 2/3 of my friends (that is... two of my three friends) while I was there. But even those visits were lacking in intimacy. I don't know what it is, but I feel like my friendships are dissolving. Like for the past year, I've been holding onto a bag of sand with a hole in the bottom, and now I'm left clutching an empty sack, diluting myself to thinking I'm still grasping something. All I strive for is change, and yet I want things to stay the same, like some sort of child. But that's all we are, isn't it?

I've started hanging out with this guy. I'm really afraid that he might like me, but as always, I'll continue to play oblivious until the moment comes. The same way I've always done it, and the same way that's always killed me in the end. But as long as I'm happy for the moment, I'm willing to risk it. He wanted to go to the play that our school was showing tonight. I agreed to go, so long as I was able to finish at least one of my paintings, as I have four that are due in a week. As it is, I was able to complete a pretty sweet portrait of Snow White arm wrestling with a dwarf. Yes, I'm quite proud of it. Every time I glance at it, I chuckle a little to myself. So, we decided to meet at the theater. Luckily, I ran into some friends. I don't really hang out with them much, since they all know each other really well, and I feel like some random yellow banana in a basket of plaid apples. However, when I happen to be in the same place as them, I always have a good time. They're really cool people, though our views on life differ. So the three of them, plus me and my previously mentioned male friend watched a mind-blowing play. Mind-blowing. So mind-blowing, in fact, the only thing left to do was to go to Taco Bell. We enjoyed our artificial meat over various conversations that included topics such as... well... I can't really remember. But for the reader's benefit, I will simply make something up. We talked about what a Hufflepuff was, and the Panda's undying (er... rather... dying) dedication for bamboo (whoa. I just looked up at my bulletin bored and realized that the panda on the zoo pamphlet I have hanging up is eyeing up the bamboo I have sitting on my desk). When we were done eating fake food, we went back to our dorms, each gender to their own building. The two girls and I were walking up the steps when I noticed a bush covered in flowers. I decided to yank one off, as I have a fondness for pretty things. I smelled it, and had nostalgic memories of summer. I decided to share this wonder with the two of them, whom only slightly agreed. When we got to the front door, one of them dared me to throw the flowers at the man sitting at the front desk of the building. I decided that was rather rude, so I would simply hand him the flowers instead. I walked up to him, pink petals in my cupped hands with a friendly smily on my face. I thrust my hands towards him... to which he jumped fifty feet back in his chair with a look of pure horror on his face. It may have been the funnies moment ever. I did not leave until I transferred the petals into his own hands, when he finally decided they were safe enough to touch. The three of us could not stop laughing. It was nice... uncontrollable laughter. I haven't done that in a really long time... And how could I? I mean, yes, I've laughed pretty hard at things. But this was like... we couldn't stop. Maybe the Baja Blast Mountain Dew had something to do with it, but that's beside the point. When your best collage friend is someone whom you can only have short, simple-vocabulary sentences with, it's hard to have an honestly good time. Not that I'm complaining! I'm very happy here! I just... love to laugh. For real.

Before we went to Taco Bell, we had to stop by the dorm so that some of us could grab jackets. I waited in the lobby, since I was warm enough. I was talking to the male friend about how I really don't "hang out" with anyone. I felt kinda bad for basically telling him I didn't want to go do stuff with him, but I have moments of brutal honesty, and that just happened to be one of them. The thing is, would just rather be alone sometimes. That is... most times. But then I realized later on that it wasn't the fact that I didn't like hanging out with people.... it's that I don't like hanging out with guys. It makes me uncomfortable. Because I feel like they're always out for something. Yeah, yeah, all guys want sex, blah blah. But that's not what I'm talking about. All the guys that want to hang out are the ones that want the, in my opinion, really dangerous thing: a relationship. The long-term stuff where you hold hands and talk all cutsie and cuddle and stuff. Ugh. I mean, I can tell the two types of guys apart for the most part, and I feel like I could handle the former kind better. They're easy. If you don't flirt back with them and act almost boyish, they usually get that they aren't getting anything. But the latter... They're harder... They get this determination. I mean, good for them and all... Just please don't do it to me. Man. I seriously bag on these types of people a lot, don't I? Sorry about that. Hah I feel really conceited.

L-A-U-G-H. Who on earth thought to spell it like that? Laff. Laph. Laugh? I mean... it's an English origin. The Oxford Dictionary 'spelling help' section told me how to spell it... "Spell laugh with -augh after the l."

Gee, thanks.

Things I Hate and the Laundry Room

1. Musical Text Tones

2. Obnoxious Video Games (Guitar Hero)

3. Family Guy and all other Adult Swim shows

4. Weakness

5. Contentness

6. People who look at porn

7. Mayonnaise

8. Routine

9. Narcissism

10. Littering

11. Casual conversation through text

12. That time of month

13. Eggs

14. People who talk too much

The laundry room is awful. But I first need to discuss the rules before I rant on it... If you're able to get your stuff in a washer, congratulations. But if you're gonna leave the room, then you need to be aware that people are allowed to take your stuff out if the time has run out (granted, it would be nice if they would wait a couple minutes before just snatching it out the second the time goes down). Same goes for the dryer. So if you're gonna leave, check your watch and show up before the time goes out. If you're stuff get's taken out, then just be cool. Don't gripe about how some jerk was being inconsiderate about your stuff, cus really, you were the one being inconsiderate. You're the one who was late. On the other hand, if you come in and open somebody's machine while it's still going, well... I can't even express how evil that is. Especially when you don't close the door and start it again (if you haven't guessed, I've witnessed this happening before. I shut the door (rather loudly) and started their machine up again.). Just quit being such a priss! It is also increasingly annoying when you leave 13 minutes left on the dryer, forcing the next person to use it to have to wait for the 13 minutes to run down before they can start their own 60 minutes. That applies to the microwaves, as well. Just be cool, people. BE COOL!!!

And I do NOT have a pretty mouth!

Locked Sunsets

So, I recently found out that somebody actually reads this... I'm quite baffled, but I suppose I'll give him a shout-out. Uh....

SHOUT!

Yes. Anyway. I feel like I have to censor myself now. Especially since he read... that... one... post. At least he's keeping his mouth shut. Whatever. Not that I'm gonna let that stop me from saying what I say.

So the other day, it was my birthday. Wooo. It was actually quite a good day... Granted, it was freaking cold outside... Not a fan of the winter. So I'm gonna just start off by writing about the glorious day. I slept really badly, which was weird, because I was super tired. I woke up (uh.. I was already awake, but still) to my Chinese friend knocking at the door. I opened it up, and she was like, "You're still asleep?? Won't you be late??" I freaked out, and looked at my clock. It was 7:15... I usually woke up at 7:30. So no, I wasn't going to be late. She gave me a bag with something inside. I was really happy, and then she left, because I still had to get ready. I looked in the bag and pulled out the coolest thing ever... a Justin Beiber book. Heck yeah (For those of you who don't know, I am a Beiber fan. All I have to say is that it's way more fun being a fan than a hater). I then opened the card, which had adorable drawings of the main characters from Coffee Prince (the Kdrama I just finished) and an entire paragraph of Chinese characters... o____o Yikes! I could make out a few words, but... I figured that one day, I would get really good, and I'd be able to read it. Yes... I'll just let that comfort me. So after waking up, I went to my math class, in which we went over the test that I found relatively easy (though many people apparently did pretty bad). After that, I went to my Design class. It was supposed to be a work day, but I didn't really know what I was supposed to be doing. So that was a wast, really. After class, I was done for the day, and able to do what I pleased. I ate a mediocre lunch, and left quickly. My mother had told me that morning to check my mail, so I ran by the post office. My box was empty, so I assumed maybe whatever she had sent hadn't made it yet. Instead, I went back to my room. I checked my e-mail, to find that instead of letters, I had two packages. So, I ran all the way back to the post office. I got my two packages, one of which had the words "Sherries Berries" pasted all over it. I must say, I was rather confused. I opened them when I got back to my room, and found that my parents had sent me chocolate covered strawberries (YUM!!) in the Sherries Berries box, and Scotcharoos (my favorite desert that my mom makes) in the other, along with a SINGING TANGLED CARD!! That was awesome. Well, after sitting around for a while, I decided I should probably get going to Wal-mart. You see, my friend and I had planned on making chocolate covered strawberries that day. Why not just eat the ones you just received, you ask? Simple. There were only six of those. So I hopped on my bike and started to head towards the Wal-mart, three miles down the road. When I got there, I purchased a box of strawberries, razberries, white and brown almond bark, and some acetone (for my art project). It was kind of weird carrying everything in my backpack... But I loaded it in there and started to go back. When I got to a stop light, my black belt, biker art teacher rolled by in her car with her brushed and primed toy dogs and asked me what I was doing all the way at Wal-mart on a bike. I sheepishly replied that I didn't have a car. Seriously, these things only happen in [name of town has been deleted for the safety of the blogger and associates]. So I biked all the way back, and got up to my room. I found that my roommate had stopped by, and had left me a gift. Aww!! I was so happy ^_^! I called my Chinese friend, and we made our strawberries and razberries. They were quite delicious. We had enough to share with all of the other Chinese kids. We tried to get on the roof of the building so we could watch the sun set on my birthday, but it was closed tight. Rats. Somebody must have seen me up there the other day. So... Okay. I'm really sick of talking about my day. I find it rather boring to write about. Though it was fun while it was happening... In fact, I'm only writing this for the sake of my friend, who I stated at the beginning of the post. There ya go.

I just got my mom to finish reading Fruits Basket. She really enjoyed it. I told her I almost cry every time I see the last page, with Tohru and Kyo holding hands. She called me a girl.

I am, aren't I?

3 days till I go home!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP3gzee1cps

11/11/11 11:11.11

All week, I have been wondering what I would do for my Wish. I thought it would be a big hassle, and likely not work out... however, things have surprisingly fallen into place. Since I am not brave enough (or stupid enough, depending on how you look at it) to pull a Haruhi Suzumiya graffiti stunt, I decided to make this my own. My plan was to buy 11 balloons, write my wish on each of them, and let them go from the roof of my dorm, the highest point on our campus. However, the problem of getting on the roof was a big issue. On Tuesday, I decided to check out the door again, hoping it would be miraculously unlocked, since my lock-picking skills were quite novice. After jiggling the knob a bit, I got frustrated and pushed on the door... and it opened. I was so stunned, I quickly closed it, so that I could try again. Eureka!?! I think yes! I could hardly hold in my excitement. I continued to plan how I would carry this process out. I had work scheduled for Friday, and we close at 11 on Fridays... It sure is lucky that I was to start at 2:30, which meant I got to go home early. But how was I going to get the balloons? I decided to ask a friend, who was more than willing to drive me up to Walmart in the morning. Awesome. So, Friday morning (that is... this morning), I woke up, and called my friend, letting him know I was ready to go. He came and picked me up, as well as two other friends, who also needed to get to the area. I bought the balloons (along with red and gold yarn for a Gryffindor sweater), and we made it back to campus, right on time for my 11 o'clock class. After the class, I came back to my room so that I could write my wish on each balloon (in alien, of course). After a couple hours, I left for work. All I could think about was how I wanted to get back to my room, but I was able to suffer through the shift. I came back at about 8:30, giving me time to finish some homework, shower, and eat dinner. However, when I took the plastic bag off of the balloons... I discovered something horrible. Half of the balloons had already begun to droop, some to the point of not being able to support themselves. What was I supposed to do?! The only thing I could do: I tied the droopers to the ones that were still floating strong. It was the only solution. After this, I tied them to my lawn chair, and left my room, heading towards the roof. I decided to take the stairs, hoping I would run into less people along the way. After all, a girl wrapped in a blanket with a chair and 11 bright red balloons walking upstairs tends to attract attention. Luckily, I didn't meet anyone along the way. I pushed open the door, which gave under the pressure. I set up my chair, 20 minutes before was due. And I waited. The air was cold, and the wind made my balloons dance sporadically. I watched the stars, partially covered in thin, grey clouds. The excitement of being on the roof never left me for a second. Finally, a minute before 11:11, I cut the strings that connected my wish to my chair, and stood up with them. Balloons in the left hand, watch on the right, I prepared myself. I stood in the location that would best benefit from the wind, but sill hid me from any wandering eyes below. Again, I waited. Finally, 11:11 hit. I waited a bit more. 11:11.11... And my left hand relaxed. The balloons bolted forward with a gust of wind. I watched them float away until they were nothing more than another star in the dark blue sky.

Everything had fallen into place more than I could have imagined.

What did you wish for?

I AM HERE

11/11/11 is coming up, which means only one thing: the ultimate wish. I'm still planning on what I want that wish to be, but I have a few days for that yet. The thing that's really bugging me is how I'm going to make that wish. I could be simple and just close my eyes and think it, like a normal person... But I'm trying to move away from normal. Kawaritai!!! So, I've come up with two options so far. One, I could pull a Haruhi Suzumiya, steal the little white line painter thing, and do a big show of it. However, I'm leaning away from that. Somehow, I think that would come back to bite me in my later years. My second choice is thus far the one I'm going for. A few weeks ago, I discovered that there is a door that leads to the roof of my dorm. Nobody ever sees it, because nobody is stupid enough to climb the stairs all the way to the top. After about the 4th floor, people use the elevator. So, my plan is to get on top of the roof, and let go 11 helium filled balloons, each with my wish on it. I couldn't possibly let just one of them go. What if it got lost? Letting 11 go gives me a much higher chance of my wish being granted. However, there is a problem... The door is always locked. I looked up how to pick locks, and it seems reasonably easy. I attempted the procedure on my dorm door, and of course failed. I didn't expect to get it on my first try. I noticed a name branded on the metal: Schlage. So, I decided to google that. Apparently it's one of the more difficult locks to pick... dang. Just my luck. Somehow, I'm going to figure out how to get on the roof. I have to. And I only have a few days left.

Silver Sandwiches

I gotta get used to writing on here more. I found out something else about myself today. I've started to notice that when I imagine somebody asking me out, I have different opinions, differing not only between individuals, but between personality types. Uhm, okay, duh? I have a point here. If I imagined a nice person asking me out, I almost shutter at the thought. On the other hand, if it were... well... the opposite type of person, a casual "yes" would be in order. What am I getting at, you ask? After all, I've already discussed my "bad boy" fetish. Well, it's actually quite simple, and has nothing to do with the previously mentioned fad. The thing is, when a nice guy asks you out... he actually means it. He actually likes you, and probably intends this date to be the first of many. That in itself proves to be a problem to me. Therefore, it's better to cut the issue at the bud. Though, sometimes, it takes a very, very sharp pair of scissors to sever the sprout... That aside. If it were a bad guy, I could be pretty sure of two things: one, he probably doesn't even really like me, and two, he definitely won't like me by the end of the night. In other words... no second date. And on the off-chance that there is a second date, well, then theres always the adventure aspect. Mahah cheers for me! ... I sound like a sadisticle jerk. Not that I mind. Though I'm sure one day, it'll all come back to bite me. Future Me can deal with that.

I finished watching Avatar: The Last Airbender the other day. I never realized how many episodes I had missed while it was actually airing on TV. That show is... all around, perfect. It has humor, creativity, a serious story, and life lessons. The only thing that would have made it better would be if Aang had grown a few inches... That would have made the last kissing scene between him and Katara less awkward. Say what you want.

I've been toying with the thought of having an alternate identity. I'm thinking when I leave America, I'll be a totally different person. Though letting go of my Tohru Honda would be rather difficult... I really have nothing else to say. Next time, I may write a short story. Those are always fun.

Sometimes clouds have two sides, a dark and a light, and a silver lining in-between. It's like a silver sandwich! So when life seems hard, just take a bite out of the silver sandwich.

--Prince Zuko

Truth and Dreams, Nothing and Everything

Coward. It's the only word I can use to describe myself. A coward, and a fool for thinking I could possibly start a new life, as a new person. Everything boils down to one thing, one point in time where everything fell apart... Where my identity was judged and tried. I have no reason to believe that this blog is actually read by other humans, so I no longer have a problem posting whatever I please. However, if somebody I am aquatinted with happens to read this, I have one thing to say. Anything that is said, anything I confess... don't mention it. Ever. I never want to hear what you think about this. If I do, I will never speak with you again. You think I'm kidding? Ask Trevor. I didn't talk to him for a year because of something as simple as a crush. But that's another story in itself. One that isn't going to be said, since it's really nothing other people need to know. The only point in mentioning that is the fact that I have proof that I am capable of a completely cut off relationship. It won't even bother me. You think I'm kidding? Try again. And that is the type of cold hearted person I am. But back to the point... Nothing leaves this website.

It all began with The Book... I don't even want to name it, because of the amount of pain it has caused me. I never want anyone to discover that pain, no matter how liberating. If that's even what it is. Would I rather be in the blissful ignorance I was once able to possess? Who knows. Back to The Book. It was a fictional story, one that I couldn't refuse picking up. The story of Adam and Eve, from a completely different perspective. The Serpent was made out to be a wise, good creature, symbolized by science and common sense. God, though creative and full of good intentions, was a selfish, narcissistically oblivious being. I was hugely offended by this portrayal, and yet I continued to read, hoping that in the end, everything would be resolved as I hoped, returning the readers opinions to it's original setting. However, this was not the case. You end the book cheering for Eve's freedom from paradise. She had an understanding of what was going on, and you can only be happy that she has gained wisdom. Anyways, I put the book behind me. However, some of the ideas stuck. For instance... our need to worship God. Why is it that its necessary to do that? This question bothered me for a long time. I finally concluded it with the fact that God wants us to find peace, and peace is only in him, and we can only have it through him if we are with him, and the best way to stay with him is to focus on him, and worship is the best way to focus. It seemed easy enough. However, this question lead to endless others. I couldn't figure out what the purpose of religion was. So I decided to ignore religion itself and pay attention only to God himself, and what he had said. As time went on, I began to question my own identity. Who was I? Who did I want to be? And, most importantly, where is freedom? They say that freedom comes through Christ... But then this is contradicted when... who was it? Paul?... Points out that you are either a slave to money, or God. Slave. I don't want to be a slave. I don't want to give up what I am, who I am. I don't want to deny myself. I just want to be myself. I wanted to break free from the burden... I wanted to be alone. But the thought of abandoning my faith was like trying to rip off my own skin... I couldn't do it. But I couldn't stand holding on any longer. I tried talking to one of my friends who was having a similar problem... However, that just made things worse. I thought we would be able to help each other out of this rut, but it just drove him down deeper. I regret that more than anything. Again, while I was working at camp, I talked to Cassie about it. It was nice to speak these things out loud... but I don't feel like it helped. If anything, it just made me think that there were no answers to my questions. But I needed answers. After a while, I started making deals with God. I tried to have a mutual agreement with him. Of course, it was probably only mutual on my end. But I could be delusional enough to convince myself that everything was fine. I would pray on behalf of other people: "look, God, I know I'm not an awesome person, but so-and-so is. Could you please help them out? Don't listen to what they're saying about me. Just ignore that. But please listen to me. They're struggling with such-and-such. They deserve you're help. I don't". On and on... I would pray that maybe I could be a sufficient sacrifice. I keep hearing that I'm not worthy... But why can't I be? Why was I made so... so damn useless! Why can't I be good enough?? Yes, yes, I've heard it, okay?! We can only be good enough through God. Because that's how he made us. That's the only way! But I want to be good enough! I want to be able to save my friends! I want to protect Dane and Kasey. I want to put my life on the line for them. I screwed up enough, and now look what's happened? They feel like they have to be different around me. They feel like they can't tell me certain things, because I'm going to judge them. Well I know what goes on. I am well aware. And with the things I believe right now... Well things aren't looking good for their eternity. And I don't want to believe in that anymore. I don't want to believe that my best friends aren't going to be with me. I want to die for them. I beg God every day... Send me to Hell instead... GOD! PLEASE! I'm so tired right now! Tired of believing that this world... that everyone and everything I love... it's all useless. That I'm useless. Why does it have to be this way? Why do we have to be lower than dirt? Why do things have to be separated into right and wrong, good and bad? Why is bad even here? You could have stopped it! You could destroy Hell anytime you want! Why do I have to live every moment in fear of the afterlife? People are always saying that these questions have been asked for thousands of years... But these questions are never answered. We can only dodge them with obsolete phrases that mean absolutely nothing in the long run. Every day when I sit in my drawing class, when people start to talk about God... All I can think is.... "what am I doing?" I'm so sick of this. But I can't escape it. I know the truth, and I can't ignore it. I will never be able to escape it. Not in life... not in death. Because the fact is... it's everything. All I want is to live in a world where I can just have fun... Where I can love life. Where I don't have to worry about anything. Where I can be free. Can I talk to Maegan about these things? Is she aware of what she got into when she suggested having a decipleship? I feel sick. All of this acting is wearing me down. Can I just wake up in Haruhi Suzumiya's world? Can I just be her? So careless.... That's what my goal was. I intended to come to college as Haruhi Suzumiya. But I'm to scared to do it. It's to late to do it... four hours away isn't far enough. I need to go farther, lose all of my ties. I want to run away. And I'm going to. I'm going to leave, and I'll create an alternate ego. I will be exactly who I want to be, and I won't have to worry about these ties. What is more important to me? The friendships I've made so far? Or the desire I have to live how I want? After all, Haruhi Suzumiya is a fictional character. Things won't turn out for me the same ways they turn out for her. I'm to tired to write anymore. There is to much emotion.

End.

The Smell of Superman and Other Flying Things

Again, these are the things of movies.

My roommate and her friend came into the dorm today. Every time they come, it's a little surprising, since I hardly ever see them anymore (it has been the most glorious month of solitude!). They barged in, out of breath. It wasn't until she sputtered out (with deep inhales), "can you keep a secret?" that I noticed something was different. I assured her that I could, and it was then that the bundle in her arms caught my attention. Uh-oh. And, with context-clue certainty, a small puppy rolled out of the clothing. Seriously... does that ever happen in real life? People always say things like this only happen in the movies, but I am becoming more and more doubtful of that truth. Anyway, it was a cuteish dog... I want to say utterly adorable, but it's fur was slightly awkward. But a puppy is a puppy. And it is now in my dorm room. They only wanted to keep it there for a little, while the two of them had to come to the school for classes. They've arranged it so that one of them will be in the room at all times. I would be glad to watch it, however, I have a class, a desert party, and work. I'm booked until at least 7 tonight. They'll be gone by then. It's a shame.

Thanks to an English project, I now know more about Superman than I ever wanted to know. Seriously, I never realized how involved he was in my life. But whatever. I have been having these weird dreams about Peter Pan of late. I'm always thinking about Neverland... I think this might be a sign, some sort of window into my heart. I don't want these responsibilities. I just want to go to Neverland, stay young forever, and go on adventures. But honestly, who doesn't want that? Then again, I also have this desire to fulfill my dreams, which can only be achieved with age. And so I am at a conflict in my life. Yet, it can hardly be called a conflict, since there is only one real probable result. I have nothing else to say on the subject. I just wanted to bring it up.

I got a whiff of Jake cologne the other day. I got this wave of nostalgia. It was really nice.

And faster than a speeding bullet, I'm out.

Minam Go Syndrom

Stop it. Just stop it, please. I never came here with the intent of finding this 'love'. If anything, I came to escape it. What worth is a Silver Lining if it's nothing more than a metallic paint? What Truth is lacking when the entire existence is a lie? How far do I have to run? Why can't I just have friends? That's all I ever wanted.

Bosco and the Lucky Streak.

Today is the best day ever. I got off work early today, so I am actually capable of writing on my blog. That makes me so happy. I even forced myself to have the mindset that I was going to be at work until 11 tonight. I hate the weekends for that purpose. Except Sundays... Sundays are fine. So as a result, I was pleasantly surprised when my manager told me that she was going to try to get me out by nine (when she first mentioned that I needed to get my stuff together, I tried to not get my hopes up). I was so happy T_T She probably thought I was a freak when I bowed to her and thanked her for letting me leave. So yes. Awesome night for that little pleasure alone. The real Best Day Ever was yesterday. Since I'm in the international club, I was allowed to go on a trip to Memphis, TN. It was quite a drive to get there, but the things we desired to experience could only be done in Memphis. We went to the Civil Rights museum, and saw the spot where Martin Luther King died. It was kind of strange... seeing the exact spot. We even saw the room the shot was supposed to have come from. Very weird... After that, we went to the Memphis Zoo!! It was totally awesome. It's supposedly the best zoo in the country. I haven't researched it, but I'd be willing to agree with that statement. It was really awesome. I was walking with three Chinese people... As a result, we stayed by the pandas for a very long time. We also walked very slow, and took a million pictures of really random things. I can't imagine why they felt it was necessary to stop and snap some photos of the fake boa constrictor that hung on a bridge as a Halloween decoration when there were real snakes right around the corner. But whatever. We saw practically everything. I just love zoos. The best animals there were the grizzly bears. I really love grizzles, ever since that dream I had a few months ago. I want a pet bear. Like Bosco. But that isn't going to happen, so... I'll just be a zoo keeper! Anyway.... After the zoo, we went to this Golf and Games place. I wasn't to pumped about it, since everything required money. They had an arcade on the inside, so we went there and hung out. I wasn't willing to spend my money on something so useless, but my friend was determined. She made me play Percussion Masters and an off brand DDR (yes, they exist). It was pretty fun. I powned her in those games, but then we went to the games that had prizes... She is the luckiest girl in the world. Her first game of ski-ball consisted of a 50,000 and two 100,000. In that one game where the light spins around and you're supposed to stop it on the jackpot, her first try got her one spot away from the goal. The second time, the thing ran out of tickets, so a guy came to fix it. Along with the tickets that it spit out, he gave us 50 more tickets. Then, while we stood there thinking of what to do next, the machine spit out even more tickets! That was awesome. On her third try at the game, she got the jackpot! Uhm, no freaking way??! I've only gotten the jackpot once on that game! It was pretty sweet. By the end of our time there, we ended up with 250 tickets. We both got star-shaped glasses, and she also got herself a top and a foam dice. I don't know why she chose those prizes, but that's whatever peals her peach. After Golf and Games, we at dinner on Bael St. All of the neon signs were pretty cool. Our dinner was fun, too. I ate a hamburger with pineapple on it. It was freaking delicious. Then we got on the buses and took a long ride home... But it was all worth it.

In my ceramics class, we had to make four face cups. They had to connect in some way. So of course, I made Donald, Goofy, Mickey, and Sora cups! I am pretty proud of them. I can't wait to drink out of them. though, it might be a good idea to invest in a straw... That'll be next on my Wal-Mart list (along with some floss and mace).

Somebody recently told me about how the Japanese government is giving away 10,000 round flight tickets to Japan for tourists. When I heard this, I immediately looked it up to see if it was true. Sure enough! I got really excited, and started planning my trip there. In fact, right now, I have my map all set. I invited my best friend to go with me, because after I thought about it, going alone didn't sound nearly as fun. I had considered inviting more people, but as I meditated on it, the whole thing began to sound crowded... Of course, I wouldn't mind having a few other people, but I don't want it to become one of those ridiculous 'adventures'. I just want to be in Japan. I've heard a million plans about a group of people going to such-and-such a place and doing such-and-such events. That sounds... horrible. I wouldn't have any fun doing that. It might sound selfish, but I have no desire to walk around with a group of people. I can do that any day of the week. There's a reason I have time to sit here and write on a blog. Neither me nor my friend would have any need to go on guided tours. We could do whatever we wanted. And that alone sounds like paradise.

I'm really scattered right now. To be honest, all I want to do is look up Japanese hotel rates and read my Chinese book. Tomorrow, I'm going to go to the library and find some books to help me with my asian languages. Someday, I'll be fluent in Chinese, Japanese, and Korean (a new addition to my list). *sigh* I just want to sleep for a thousand years and wake up to a new world.

And with a glimpse into my soul, I'll take my leave.

Crapes and Other Things That Rhyme.

It seems I have slightly gotten out of the habit of writing. Not that anyone really cares. I just feel better about myself when I remember that all of my adventures have been recorded on some sort of public billboard. Yet I would like to point out that it isn't entirely my fault that my writing has become late and scattered, as compared to my previously steady progression. The largest highlight in my life as of now is my new job at Sonic. I never had any desire to work in a fast food place. In fact, I rather detested the thought. However, Sonic doesn't seem to horrible. All I really do is make drinks and ice-cream. I answer the register every once in a while, but I can't find any of the buttons, so I usually leave that for somebody else. That is to say, when I hear the high pitched note that squeals every time somebody presses the red button, I immediately busy myself with cleaning the blender or gather more ice. That can be someone else's job. I'll stick to my ice-cream, thank you. My hours feel like they stretch on forever. It drives me crazy when somebody comes in 5 minutes before closing and asks for an Oreo Blast. That just creates more of a mess. Not that I'm blaming people who do that. No, not at all. I agree that ice-cream always tastes better at night. I just don't enjoy this particular fact. I can't wait to become a car hop. It should be known that car hops on only make $5 an hour. You're correct: that is less than minimum wage! The rest of their money comes from tips. So! People! Tip your car hops! They're counting on you. Since I have class all morning, I am stuck working closing every time. It's not so bad, since I'm guaranteed an ending point. However, one thing freaks me out more than anything: going home. It's only a 10 minute walk from Sonic to my dorm, but that 10 minutes is terrifying. The scariest thing in the world to me is rape. And apparently, on the first day of school last year, a girl got gang raped on the very road that go home on. Terrifying? I think yes! Honestly... some of the things humans do is so discussing. How can a group of people be so... Ah. I just can't get over these things. It's probably terrible, but I do this thing where I beg God to let me hold the burden of humanity. I would willingly put myself in that situation if it meant the safety of the rest of the women in the world. And that's exactly what Jesus did... the difference is, the freedom I seek is worldly, and the freedom that He obtained was eternal. As a human, I just can't get my mind out of time. That's just the way things are...

I got to go home this weekend, and I was really excited. My sister was in a big school event, and I was going to get to see her. Two of my best friends drove down to pick me up. The ride was really fun. We stopped at this church field, and pretty much walked through time. It was to insane to describe. We got back to my hometown at about 4. I then proceeded to wake up at 7 so that I could go to my sisters thing. After that, I ran all over town, visiting people and doing as much as I could before I went back to college. Then I had to go to a football game, and was prompt to leave right after the half-time show. On the next day, I ran errands, and forced my friend to take me on a date. I'd never been on one before, don't plan on going on one for a while, and I just wanted to try it out. It wasn't much of a date, though. We pretty much just hung out. He did pay for my mini golf and fish food. Either way, it was fun. The entire weekend was so exhausting. The best part of it was the crapes my mom made Sunday morning, right before we left. I need to find an IHOP soon, so that I can have some every week. Gah, I love crapes.

I'm so tired right now. However, the internet in my dorm is seriously killing me. I haven't been able to watch a full episode of You're Beautiful in forever. And if I haven't even been able to do that, then it's no wonder I haven't written in a while! Work tomorrow. Sleep now. Plus, my iTunes is doing this really weird thing where it keeps playing the same songs over and over.

Is any of this for real, or not?

Small Town Toilets

This weekend has had such an abundance of excitement, the only thing left to do is to blog about it. In the course of three days, I have made over 30 new friends, done 2 things for the first time in my life, unburied trash bags full of cans, and experienced something that only happens in small towns and movies. Each story is in-depth enough to deserve it's own paragraph.

On friday, I am lucky enough to have only one class. On this particular day, the activities of this class included sitting in the back corner of the room while groups went up to present a project. I had been smart enough to volunteer my group to go first the previous day, so we had nothing to worry about. Instead, I spent the class doing my homework for my other class. When we were done, I went to the cafeteria and ate lunch with my friend, like always. Except today, we had plans. We were supposed to meet our other friend (who had a car) around 1, so that we could all go to the Humane Society. You have no idea how long I had been wanting to go. The thought of petting a cat again brings tears to my eyes. Since we finished eating approximately 30 minutes early, we were reduced to sitting alone, waiting on our friend to arrive so that he could eat, and we could hurry and leave. After half an hour of nibbling on oranges and ice-cream, he finally showed up, and gobbled down his food in under 10 minutes. Amazed at his ability to slurp down an entire plate in such a short amount of time and excited for our adventure, we skipped out the door (rather, they walked, and I skipped out the door). When we showed up (picking up another couple friends along the way), I charged into the building and asked if we could play with the animals. The lady at the front desk smiled at us, and directed us to our locations. The dogs were outside in their pens, and the cats in the back room. I walked as quickly as I could to the feline corner, trying to hold down my contained excitement. There were 8 little rooms within the big room, and in each room, 4 to 6 cats lounged on one of the multi-level shelves. I started with the first room, and made my way around until I had met every single cat. Most of them jumped out at me, longing to be scratched behind the ears, while others barely gave me a glance before going back to the sleep that I had interrupted. I was totally in heaven. There was one room with 5 young cats that I particularly loved. One of them would climb up my arm and sleep on my shoulders while I scratched his back. Another would prop it's front two paws on my chest and play with the keys that always hung around my neck. He would also try to crawl on my shoulders, but he was less capable than the first boy. I've never had a cat actually sit on my shoulder. It was like being in the movies. It took everything I had not to sneak the two of them out of the place with me. However, my roommate is allergic to cats. A shame. After finishing with the cats, I realized that the rest of my friends needed some help with the dogs. They were nothing less than oblivious when it came to large canines. In a nutshell, they pretty much just hung back and watched as one of them attempted to walk a timid labrador mix named Precious. I tried to get them a little more involved. However, I'm not sure that the friend with the car even likes animals. Him and one of the guys we picked up would watch one big boy, Midnight/Bear, as he jumped all over the place, begging to be pet. I got them to get inside and play with him. It was adorable, to say the least.

We had originally made more plans for Friday. We were going to go to Zumba at 3:30, but that got canceled. After dinner, we were supposed to go swimming in the school's pool, but for reasons unknown, it was closed that night. Reluctantly, my friend and I were now plannless. However, the other international students decided to have a 'party' that night. I told my friend that we should go, since they had invited us. She told me that they were probably going to drink (which wasn't a problem for her, since she's 24. I, however, am underaged). I told her I wouldn't drink, but we should still go to hang out. May as well, right? So after killing some time, we decided to head over. When everyone got there, we started a card game. Yes, this is the Chinese idea of a party. And I must say, I prefer it by far to anything an american teenager would plan. The game was simple. You would sit in a circle, and each person would get dealt one card at a time. Each number/face card meant something different. For instance, if you got a 6, you either took a drink of beer, or you had to do a dare (which is what I was automatically given). The dares were decided through a computer program that one of the guys had made. It was my first time to ever play a drinking game. To my parents, it probably sounds horrible saying that I was "playing a drinking game". However, everyone there was over 21, and I never drank. So it was fine. I just had to clear that up. After a while, we ran out of beer. So, they sent me and one other guy to go get more. This was also the first time I was a designated driver. I had to drive the guy's car, which was terrifying, because it's a gorgeous vehicle. Not to mention I'm not used to brakes working so well. But we made it back. Overall, the night was really fun. I stayed there until about 1:30, in which time I had been the waiter, proposed to one of the guys, counted in Chinese, and dealt out a wonderful dare. However, I was forced to leave early since I had to wake up at 7:30 the next morning (a Saturday).

When I woke up that morning, I tried to remember why on earth I had stayed so late. Dismissing the question, I reluctantly got ready for the volunteer program that I had signed up for several weeks prior (another question I was asking myself: why did I agree to do this?). I walked down to the meeting place and waited to go. After a while, we finally took off to the local lake, where we were all participating in a clean-up project. It was far to early in the morning. We were each issued 4 trash bags and a pair of latex gloves, and sent off to a location at some obscure corner of the lake. My time spent picking up glass bottles and tin cans is hardly worth meditating on. I was tired, and ready for lunch. At one point, I thought I had discovered the door to a secret underground world, but it had just been a perfectly round tree bulb. In the process of our cleaning, one of the members of our group uncovered a toilet. That's something you don't see every day. Long story short, at the free lunch that they later served (by which time only 8 of our previously 22-person-large group were left), the toilet won the Most Unique Trash Item Found award. Other than that, there is nothing left to say on the subject. When we got back to the college, I fell right to sleep, not to wake again until dinner time. My Saturday was done.

Sunday (today, that is), there was supposed to be a car wash at the Auto Zone, about 2 miles away from where I am, for the International Club, which I had recently joined, in order to raise money. I figured it was my duty to support them, yet I didn't have a car. The obvious answer to this dilemma was to take my bike to get it washed. So that's exactly what I did. The trek there was unbearable, and I almost passed out when I finally arrived (luckily, I sat down on time and drank plenty of water). They washed my bike for me, with confused looks on their faces. I had become friends with one of the guys who was working there the previous day at the lake clean-up. We talked for a bit while I my bike was being cleaned. When it was all done, he asked me if he could ride it. I told him to be my guest, since there was no reason for me to believe that I would be heading back soon. After all, I was still catching my breath. While he rode around, one of the older men cleaning cars pointed out to me that my tire was flat. Oh. That's why it was so hard to get here. And here I was thinking it was because I was simply out of shape (though I'm sure that has something to do with it as well). The tire was pretty flat, too. That would certainly explain why I kept bouncing the whole time I was riding it. After several phone calls and a rejection from the Auto Zone, I decided the best option was to ride my flat bike back to the college, and maybe stop along the way at a gas station, and hope for the best. I peddled back with a new understanding of the effort it took to go up a small hill. I passed an auto assistance location, and almost considered stopping to have them help me. But I decided against it and headed toward the gas station closest to my school. When I got there, I looked around, unsure of what I was looking for. So I parked my bike outside and walked in, hoping I could ask for help. I took one look at the line that stretched across the whole room, and almost turned around and walked out. However, one of my friends with whom I share two classes with was just getting finished checking out. I sighed in relief as he asked me what was going on. I didn't hesitate to ask him where this magical air pump was. He pointed to a small box in the back of the station, and gave me three quarters and a couple dimes and a nickel for good measure. I thanked him and promised to pay him back as he drove away. I pushed my bike to the machine, and was sad when it said it would only accept quarters. I quickly finished this problem when I exchanged the 2 dimes and the nickel for a quarter with a stranger standing in the line. I then walked back to the machine and started reading the directions. I was totally and utterly confused. I took out my phone, prepared to call my dad for some help. I saw that I had a text from one of my other friends who also shares two classes with me, but decided to read it later, since I was a little busy. However, right as I was about to press the call button, I turned around, and there he was! I was so relieved, I couldn't contain myself. He helped me fill up my tires (which turned out to be really easy), and left with his friends, who were waiting in the car. It was a wonderful small-town moment. Honestly, how many times do you run into the two classmates when you need them most? It was like the movies, or my Korean TV. I always wondered how the main characters just happen to run into the one guy who they need at that moment in time. And now I know that feeling!

The best news I received this week was the fact that my best friends are going to be able to drive down and pick me up. I get to go home this weekend! I'm so excited, I can't hide it. I cannot wait.

No trees were harmed in the making of this post.

Where The Red Perms Grow

The title of this post has nothing to do with anything, except for the fact that I keep seeing the same girl walking around campus. She has reddish hair, and since she's black, it has kind of a natural perm. It looks really weird in a really cool way. Every time she's in the room, my eyes naturally gravitate towards her. I would say, "only in *insert town name*", but I'm pretty sure that there are stranger hair styles in bigger cities, like LA or New York. Not that it really matters.

The other day I discovered that our library has a really good DVD collection. As with my recent goal to watch all of the Studio Ghibli films in existence (which, unfortunately, is a rather small list, compared to others), I checked out Howl's Moving Castle. The thing that bugs me about the Ghibli movies is that bad guys will automatically turn into good guys, and the main character tends to forgive with inhuman ability. It's a pretty reoccurring theme. That detail aside, I've loved them since I first saw Ponyo with my little brother. I thought it was going to be really dumb, which was the reason I loaded it on my Netflix instant queue in the first place. I was pleasantly surprised. Next on my list is My Neighbor Totoro. I've heard only good things about it. Then again... I've only EVER heard good things about Studio Ghibli... Speaking of movies!! I was finally able to watch The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya! It was amazing. I was afraid of two things. One, that it would go by too fast, lacking in various important details, as most movies do. However, that fear was settled, and never should have even been invoked. The whole Haruhi Suzumiya series has followed a very close pattern to the books. The Endless Eight was even more detailed than the original series, to a point where most (if not all) fans were driven crazy. My second fear was that I would be incredibly bored after 2 and a half hours of film. This fear was settled after the movie had finished, and I had sat down for 2.5 hours without even realizing it. Overall, the movie was fantastic. I don't want to give away anything. Like I've said before, I hate spoilers.

The only reason I'm writing right now is because I don't want to get out of the habit of blogging. I have nothing interesting to say today. I'm in a class right now, but since I've already finished the work, I have nothing else to do. I'm so bored! I can't find John Smith anywhere. Though I admit... I haven't been looking very hard.... Me and my friend walked about 20 minutes the other day to the local Humane Society. We wanted to volunteer and play with the dogs and cats. However... When we got there... there was a problem. The problem? We went on Sunday. What self-respecting non-profit organization would be open on Sunday? I should have known. Though I had hoped that somebody would at least be around to feed them. As a result, we trudged all the way back to the school, dying of thirst and fatigue.

Cave Canem.

Bad Boys

In follow-up to the last post, I have successfully moved into a complete circle. I worked it out with one of the RAs, and I am now back into my original room. The entire situation took over a majority of my free time, and am now left to do homework Sunday night in the library. *sigh* It's my own fault, after all. I can't blame everything on outside sources, however much I would like to. I did play a couple worlds on Kingdom Hearts. I've also been watching Boys Over Flowers nonstop. If your reading this, then please take this as your opportunity to skip to the next paragraph... Unless you've already seen the whole show. But even if your not planning on watching, I hate telling people important storyline info. Anyway! Here I go! Goo JoonPyo's father passed away, so he was forced to take over the ShinHwa company. This meant that he had to leave JanDi... He sent her a text saying something along the lines of "Stay right there and don't move. I'll be back soon." It was totally adorable. But apparently, after 6 months he never contacted her, or the other F4 members. So they went to him instead. It was really hard to get him, since he was always so busy. Long story short, JanDi finally got her personal meeting with him, and he was a total jerk. He called her "a stain that needed to be erased". I almost cried right along with JanDi. However, my roommate was in the room, so I resisted the urge. Anyway, you kinda follow her around for a while as she goes through a really emotional state. But then you finally switch back to JoonPyo... he goes up to his awful mother and says, "I hope your happy. If you do anything to her, I will destroy ShinHwa". It was that moment that you knew he was faking it, and every inch of his face was covered in pain. The most amazing part of the entire series thus far was the scene where he was watching the video that JiHoo made. JanDi is telling JoonPyo how much she misses him, and it was really cute. Then this video from when JoonPyo was a child follows. He is with his father, and they're looking at an airplane. His father says to him, "Goo JoonPyo, if I ever leave, it's your job to take care of your mother and sister, and the ShinHwa company. Do you promise?" and little JoonPyo says, "yeah! I promise!" and they pinky-swear. Then present time JoonPyo lets out this agonizing cry, and he sinks to the ground, engulfed in sobs. It was so emotional, I could hardly continue to watch without sobbing myself. There is no doubt that episode 14 and 15 are the best thus far. Poor JiHoo. Always forced to be the 'friend'. After he got his haircut, I sorta fell in love with him again. But... this is for the next paragraph.

When I think back onto the past post about my love for, well, 'bad boys', I believe that this Boys Over Flowers phase has confirmed my theory. While JiHoo is totally hot, he's so... nice. Okay, I'm not saying it wouldn't be totally easy to fall for him, but... after a while, I slowly started to move to JoonPyo's side. JiHoo is by far more attractive, but JoonPyo's acts of love are so rare, sweet, sincere... how could you not love him? He's a total jerk, and yet... Nice guys always ask, "why do girls always like the jerks?" See, theres some things they need to understand. Girls don't necessarily always like jerks, for starters. The term 'bad boy' needs to be clearly defined in order for that statement to make sense. For instance, JoonPyo, Baek SeungJo, Mr. Darcy, Kyo... all of them are the dark, loner, stand-offish kind of guys. Sorta awkward at times (with the exception of SeungJo. I can't remember him ever being awkward), but super sweet. And rare. The things they do don't happen often, which makes them extra special. See? Girls (at least, this one) aren't aiming for a guy who hits you and plays around with other girls. Although, the idea of 'taming' someone is always a pleasant though. Though, even I agree that the whole theory is unrealistic. The thing about a 'nice guy' is that it's too easy. Most people hold to the belief that guys are supposed to chase after the girls. And I agree, totally! However... what is it I'm trying to say, exactly? Maybe just... life is more exciting with a slow-growing love. Not the kind that just pops up. Which is basically how it usually is for a 'nice guy'. *sigh* I feel like I'm totally hating on good people. I would say I'm not, but... I feel like that would almost be a lie. Because, no matter how you look at it, I kinda am. Well, whatever. Be who you are. Don't try to be a bad guy to impress girls. Because I honestly believe everyone has their own soulmate. And you're never gonna find them if you aren't yourself. So if a girl doesn't like you because you're too nice, so what? She has another soulmate, and so do you. But finding them isn't the main goal of life. Just don't worry about it. Everything will work out someday.

Funny and cool things that have happened these past couple of days. I was in the car with my friend, her boyfriend, and his roommate. We were listening to electro music, and there was this random rapper in the middle of it. I asked my friend's boyfriend if this was "electro rap". He said it was more like random rap syllables just thrown in. So we started making fun of it. We were having a conversation along the lines of "be-bedu bap ade be" "bop-a-da boop a bebe" "boo boo ba-beda". When out of nowhere, his roommate goes, "ni hao" in the most obnoxious chinese accent ever. It was hilarious. But it was probably only funny to us... Earlier at Taco Bell, we had been talking about different Eastern dialects. So it was pretty funny.

Not to long ago, my international friend that I've been hanging out with told me about her night. Apparently, she was in her room with her roommate (whom she has nicknamed "Ice") and her roommates boyfriend. They were watching a movie without headphones, so she was getting annoyed. So instead of trying to drown out the sound with her own headphones, like I usually do, she took them out and turned her computer on full volume and watched a Chinese movie. XD All I could do was laugh at her. Seriously, when did she become so spiteful? It was hilarious!

Today at dinner, I had an orange. I was able to successfully peal it in one fatal swoop! That's right, all in one piece! I was pretty proud of myself. So I asked her (... my international friend. Someday, I'm going to crack and just say people's names. Protecting people's identity is hard...) to take a picture of it. So she took it for me, while I held the peal. When I looked at the photo, I noticed that she had gotten the face of the cute guy sitting behind me in the picture. Later she told me it was kind of on purpose. Hahah! I was so proud of her at that moment.

So here I sit in the library. I finished my chocolate milk already, so I'm somewhat at a loss for what to do now. I turned around randomly, and discovered that it was totally dark outside. I've been in here for way to long. But it's the only place I can be at peace. I still have homework to do. I'm such a terrible person. I really love the weekend. It's so relaxing. Why can't life be like this? I'm currently working on ideas for my manga. Someday, I'll come up with a really good one, and I'll be able to make my debut. I'm aiming for something that is similar to my life story, with my friends. That could be made into something really good. I can tell.

Do or do not. There is no try.

Yuki Nagato vs the World

This isn't working. I've tried everything I could to room with my friend, and it isn't working. Her roommate refused to leave her room, in less words. To be honest, I did limit myself in one way. Because I was thankful to my roommate for being so gracious in all that I asked her, I told her to just pretend I asked her to move. That way, she wouldn't be forced to pack up for my selfishness. Anyway, I went to the resident life office, and asked them what I could do if neither of our roommates could move out (that is, letting us move in together). She said there were people on the upper stories of the building that didn't have a roommate. Since I am currently on the lower half, this may have worked to my advantage. If I could move up to one of the top three stories, perhaps I could beg the single current resident to move down, making things significantly easier for them, and making room for my friend to come up with me. However, I had to decide right at that moment. You see, college attendance has grown so drastically over the past couple of years. Many colleges are not prepared for such a large flow of incoming freshmen. Our colleges solution was to temporarily board them somewhere off campus, and provide transportation. The woman working at the res life office was just about to send letters to the off-campus freshmen to let them know that they had made room for them. That is, the rooms that had only one person living in them. The rooms that I wanted. She gave me the option to switch into one of these rooms before she sent the letters, in which one of the letter girls would in turn get my room. Okay, sounded easy enough. I would switch into an upstairs room, and beg the current resident to move down into my friends room. I had until 10pm the next day to move in. There were three options available. I took a gamble. I was wrong. When I walked up to my new room in order to check on the quality of everything, I noticed that the girl who lived there (though, at the time, absent) had a ton of stuff. There was cloths packed into both wardrobes, sheets on both beds, supplies on both desks. Dang it. This girl had more stuff than my old/current roommate and my friend's roommate combined! How on earth was I going to convince this girl that it would be better for her to move downstairs?! Nobody in their right mind would want to do that! My heart sank. The only thing that went through my mind was, "I was wrong." However, there was still hope. I had to have hope. I left my name and number, hoping that the girl had not left for the weekend, but was simply out for lunch. I went back to my room and waited. Later, when she hadn't texted me back, I decided to go back to the room and see if I had imagined the large amounts of stuff. To my luck, she was there. I informed her that I was her new roommate, and offered my proposal to let her move downstairs.

"So, would you by chance want to move down a couple floors?"

"No."

The sudden response caught me off guard. I was expecting her to be happy about moving down, like my other friend's old roommate. But... No? Was all of this for nothing?

"See, the thing is, I already have a roommate."

.... What?!

She already had a roommate? That would explain all of the cloths, but... What did that mean for me? Did I ... no longer have a room? I instantly went to resident life to see if I could sort out the situation. Closed. It was already 5:30. I was too late. And since it was a Friday... I could only hope that they were open on the weekends. After all... If I don't move in by tomorrow evening (that is, by tonight, as I am writing this Saturday morning), I won't have a room. My stuff is all packed in boxes, my friend still stuck in a crummy roommate situation, I am living in a mysterious dorm room, and I still have no money. I don't know what to do.

Pointless

I don't know why I'm putting myself through this. Why I even bother to try. Really, what's the point in this suffering? In all of this pain and annoyance? Why did I give up the comfort of familiarity, the ease of what I had? Every day, this whole endeavor seems even more pointless. I don't know why I even began this journey. Really, what was I thinking? The only thing that will come from this whole experience is the satisfaction of knowing that I achieved this all on my own. That I was the one who found the good and bad. When I cross the finish line, I will only walk away with the knowledge of what I have completed. But then what? I'd have suffered for that alone? Making the trip from one place to another is a pain in itself. So what is the point? And yet... I continue. I continue to achieve the goal that has caused me so much irritation: using every shower in the dorm to found out which one is the best.

Wait... what'd you think I was talking bout?

*sigh*... here I go to number 12.

Rocky Mountain Syndrome

Another asian television series has caught my attention. Since the dubs for Ipartment are currently in a copyright battle, I have gone back to Netflix to discover the other k-dramas that came up with my Playful Kiss stage. The first one I chose to look into was Flowers Over Boys. The 4th episode is loading on another page as I type. While not exactly on the same level (in my opinion) as Playful Kiss, it is still utterly adorable. Kim Hyun Joong is still a leading character (though I'm not a fan of the half-mulet), and as heart-melting as ever. I still go crazy when he lets loose one of his rare smiles. The main female isn't as cute as Oh Ha Ni, but she fits the character profile better. I couldn't understand why nobody thought Oh Ha Ni was pretty, when she quite obviously was. Not that this other girl isn't pretty! Rather, she has the "mess with me, and I'll sock you" look, a goal I'm sure the director was aiming for (since she actually carry out the threat). I'm still having trouble reading the subtitles at times (must be my minor-dyslexia coming out). Then again, every once in a while, they'll put an entire monologue up. The whole screen is covered by the words. That is a little obnoxious. But whatever.

This weekend has been fantastic. I have the room all to myself, so I can pretty much do whatever I want. I even practiced my Hare-Hare dance. It's killing me not having a PS2 to play my games on. I have the opportunity to buy one soon, but once I move into my new room, I won't have a TV! This almost reminds me of the first time I ever bough Kingdom Hearts... A quick story for those of you who don't know... I had seen commercials for the second one on TV. I thought it looked pretty cool. I checked it out at Wal-Mart. $50. That was more money then I had ever spent on anything. So, I worked really hard to raise the money. When I finally had it, I walked into Wal-Mart, and I bought it! I was so excited! However, right as I turned away from the counter (no exaggeration), my brother looked at me and said, "You know the ps2 is broken, right?". No. No I did not. I was devastated. The $50 game sat in my dresser, unopened, for half a year. I figured if I really couldn't play it, I may as well not open it, so I might be able to return it. But I couldn't bring myself to do that. I really wanted the game! It wasn't until later that I realized I had bought Kingdom Hearts 2, not 1. Wow. So when we finally got a ps2 for Christmas that year, it was the coolest thing ever. And yet, I had no idea what was going on. Who the heck was this Kairi girl? And why was I some guy named Roxas? I thought I was supposed to be Sora! I was actually really disappointed when I finished KHII and moved onto KHI. The second game is significantly superior to the first, both in game play and in graphic quality. Either way, I had fun.

Yesterday, one of my brother's Army friends came by to visit. We ended up going to the lake, which got me totally excited. I had wanted to go earlier, but it's an hour by bike, and 20 minutes by car. The latter definitely wins. It was me, my Chinese friend, him, and his friend. I told them that parking in a parking lot would be way to easy, so instead, we found the hardest way to get to the water, and chose that. We basically slid down a hill onto a pile of rocks, where we swam in alligator-infested waters (apparently, they have those around here). My friend didn't swim, for reasons unknown to me, but me and the two boys enjoyed ourselves. The water was perfect. It was pretty awesome. But we got there really late, so we had to leave soon after, since the sun went down so fast. I'll go back again, soon. But I also need to explore the local ghost town...

There is no amount of words I can say that will express how much I miss my cat. My sister sent me pictures of her on my Facebook, and I swear, I almost cried. My mom told me she's pretty much lost now. She keeps wandering around upstairs, sleeping in random places. I miss her so much!

There isn't much more I can say. My original intention was to overdramatize our trek down the treacherous mountain into the welcoming waters, but that plan was destroyed by my need to express my new love for Flowers Over Boys. I need to find John Smith...

Got it memorized?

Midnight Mahjong

Following my previous Playful Kiss flick, it was only natural that I seek out other forms of eastern television drama. The results: Ipartment. It seems to be a Chinese take on the American sitcom, Friends. Of course, I've never had experience with the latter, but nonetheless! It's utterly hilarious. 4 boys and 3 girls live in an apartment together (but not really together... they're like, across the hall... but connected. I don't really know). It's basically about their relationship with each other. Sometimes it's kinda hard to understand, because there are various puns and references that one would only understand with previous experience in China. When these come up, there is a side note at the top of the screen, but the subtitles go by so fast, it's hard to peal your eyes away long enough to actually get an understanding.

I feel like I had something really important to write about... Oh. I remember. I talked to my roommate about switching rooms. It was really hard, because I actually like her a lot. However, everything about us is different. She's cold, I'm warm. She sleeps to tv, I sleep to silence (or my music). She likes adult cartoons and horror movies... I despise them. I continue to ask her to change things, and yet she's never asked anything of me. So I explained all of this to her, and told her I wanted to room with my chinese friend (since the two of us have pretty much everything in common). I hated telling her. I feel like she was really upset, even though she acted like it was okay. Especially after all of the random comments we've had about being roommates (like when she walked in the room and thanked me for being an awesome roommate after hearing everyone on the elevator complain about theirs). I'm praying that God will treat her with kindness for my selfishness, and give her a roommate who is more suited to her. I'm sure we'll continue to be friends.

Still, I feel like there was something else I needed to say! Well... I guess I'm super excited about my Haruhi Suzumiya DVD coming in. Mom and Dad came to visit yesterday. It wasn't long, but it was really fun. I was so happy to see them again! We went out to eat at a local chicken restaurant (the only thing we could find that might not be considered fast food). There were cats all over the gas station that was next door. All I could think of was when the SOS Brigade was making their movie, and they found Shamisen. Now, if I ever need a cat, I know where to go. Or... There is this adorable cat by the boy's dorm. He's super skinny... If I had money, I would totally buy him some food. The poor little guy. Makes me cry T_T

I feel like homework is piling up. I need to finish it all tomorrow night. That way... I can have the entire three-day holiday to do whatever I want. You need to do these things early, so you don't have to worry about them later. No matter what! Otherwise, what else would you be doing? Playing Midnight Mahjong on your laptop? What would that achieve? If you did that, you would be stuck in your room all of Monday, struggling to get everything done before Tuesday, when you could be hiking down the trails looking for Big Foot. It's all a matter of priority! You just need to work. It's gonna happen eventually.

The internet in our dorm is killing me! It's so slow! The other buildings are amazing. While I wait for my other classes, I can load and watch 2 parts of Ipartment. Here? Nothing. Not even half of a movie will load. I'm hoping that it'll get better over the weekend, if everyone else is gone for vacation.

I need to go to sleep. I need energy for tomorrow. Finishing homework and such... It'll be tough.

Fighting!

PB&J Minus A PS2

Following the previous post, I am obliged to tell of the events of the past week. Other than being completely stressed out, I was able to eventually calm down and enjoy everything around me. During a dorm meeting, I stumbled upon a girl who happened to be standing near me. She looked to be foreign, so I asked where she was from. Luck of lucks! She was from China! And she spoke mandarin! Yes!!! I had found a way to practice my chinese, a skill I was afraid I would lose when leaving high school. As a result, I was introduced to the other international students. The other day, several of us went to Wal-Mart together. I even got to stop by Gamestop and get myself some ps2 games! 4 games for $40! Now all I need is a ps2. It was so strange being in a group of people who spoke a different language. It was hard for me to keep up, so I usually just zoned out and listened for words I understood. Every once in a while, they would all stop and stare at me, at which the boy, the main translator, told me they were talking about me. It was so incredibly... fun. I was the little white kid that got adopted into the asian family. My chinese basically sucks, but it gets better every day, now that I have the opportunity for real practice. Plus, none of them have ever had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Give and take, my friend.

Interacting with other people is really hard. I don't like getting to close to people, because the end result always seems to fail. But that aside, I am so happy here. I like the adventure, and being able to walk through the crowd without recognizing anyone. I can be whoever I want to be. Now... If only I could find John Smith...

Turns out there wasn't as much to say as I thought there was. Well. I'll just end it here, then. A bit of advice for those of you who walk on the dangerous side: its never to late to pick up quilting.

Kitten Eyes at 2am

I am sitting here awake in my bed because I cannot sleep at 2:00 at night. My mind wants to sleep, and I keep reminding myself of all of the homework that I need to do tomorrow. My friends will probably want to do something, but I'll be so busy. My morning will be slept away at the result of my staying up. And yet, here I am, simply for the fact that I have come to an epiphany. I have realized something: I cannot fall in love. It is impossible. And the reason is as thus follows. I have become... one of them. That's right. One of those fanatic girls that refused to date anyone but Edward Cullen. However, I can retain my dignity in comforting myself with the fact that my fiction love interests are nothing like the doting vampire that we have all come to know and envy. In fact, they are rather the opposite. Characters like Mr. Darcy, Kyo Sohma, and (a new addition), Baek Seung Jo. The ones who's smiles are so rare, your heart simply melts when you get the chance to see it. Ah, but my newfound fan-girl characteristics aside, I honestly believe I have taken a turn for the worst. In other words, I have done a complete 180 from what I once was in Jr. High (180, you ask? Why not 360? Well, because that would take me right back to where I began! Math... It has taken over my life.). For those who my have known me, I was utterly desperate to fall in love. It was a dark time. I would always feel the extremes: squealing joy and heart-wrenching pain. Never a settle 'middle'. Now, I look back on those times and chuckle to myself. I hate talking about it, because I realize how ridiculous I was. But now, I am a knew 'ridiculous'. Instead of begging for love, I loath it. And yet, I want nothing more than to be in love. The Taylor Swift kind, where your screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, where it's 2am and I'm cursing your name. Where I hate somebody so much, there is no other option than to fall in love with them. Yeah... The kind that doesn't exist. Over the years, I've begun to harvest a passion inside me. I hold back screaming on a daily basis. So many things get me fired up. But you would never know that about me. Maybe... maybe the person who finally hears my cries... Hah. Its times like this that I feel like Jane Austen. Does the name sound familiar? It should. She wrote Northanger Abbey, Emma, Sense and Sensibility, and, of course, Pride and Prejudice. Beautiful, passionate love stories. Clearly, a reflection of her own, no? Then again... who else could write something so surreal without the help of previously failed love? Jane was never married. In fact, she swore that all of her characters would never have to suffer what she had suffered, and everything would always end up perfect for them. Ah! So the truth comes out. The characters... they have to fall in love. No matter how unrealistic. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a very good story, would it?

And thus, herein lies the fruit of my problem. I... am not a fiction. This really isn't even about the pathetic fangirl phase. long as I remain stubborn and cold, keeping a tightly closed lid on my life, I cannot fall in love. I have already screwed up perfect things due to my unbelievably stupid nature. But, as I have said many times before, I digress.

Is this really why I got out my computer at, again, 2am?? *sigh*. Unfortunately. There is more to say that is not on the subject, but perhaps another sleepless night. The computer screen has lulled my eyes into a watery glaze. If I don't shut them soon, they may very well melt. That reminds me of a joke...

Owl-What kind of eyeballs are the best?

Me- uh...

Owl- Kitten eyeballs, because they are the squishiest.

As most things do, it made sense while I was sleeping...

Overload

How on Earth is this gonna happen? My Wal-mart list keeps growing longer and longer, and my wallet is getting thinner and thinner. My time is becoming more valuable down to the minute, but without a job, how will I ever be able to keep this up? It's only the first day, so this stress will go down eventually. Right? What on earth is the point of doing art? I swear, it's the most expensive schooling experience, and the lowest paying career. How am I going to buy all of these ridiculous supplies? I need some by the Wednesday, but getting to town is going to be a stretch. I can only hope that I am able to find some of these art things without having to drive an hour away to the nearest Hobby Lobby. This is insane. I'm just a college kid.

I honestly don't understand the Freshman Fifteen. I was literally only able to eat one meal today. I almost fell asleep in the library waiting for dinner to be open. Eventually I'll be able to work that out, but still. One of my classes is at the bottom of a crazy-steep hill. Working off any weight that I gain will be easy. I've only been to the gym once, but I feel like I've done more work outside of it than in.

First day of class, and I'm already falling apart. I feel like I can't do anything productive, because I don't have a car. A bunch of people have come up to me, offering me their services. However prideful I am, I'll have to accept their help. *Sigh*. I keep telling myself that things will be better once I have job, but then again, how can things get better if I'm even more busy? So much for a social life.

Okay. I'm done with my self-pittied rant.

Stay cool.