...
That hurt me. It really, really hurt me. I thought maybe it was possible for me to make him happy. I thought maybe he was happy when we were together. Was I wrong about that? Am I wrong to think that maybe I can make a difference? That I can make him enjoy life? I thought I could do that... But what if I can't? What if I'm not?
That stings. It really does. I'm trying so, so hard. But nothing is ever good enough, is it?
I don't even remember why he said that. The whole conversation is a blur. With the exception of that one line.
"So, what you're saying is... its impossible for you to be happy."
"Yep. That's just who I am."
I was silent after that. He changed the subject after a few beats. Back to video games, I think.
Does he know how much that hurts? How it feels to not be good enough?
I won't be subject to that... I'm not just something to do when nothing else is satisfying enough. I am not a distraction.
I feel so sick right now.
