So, I suppose a year ago I was sitting in about the same place, geographically. Same crummy dorm made for incoming freshmen, my roommate nowhere to be seen, and the same fuzzy purple blanket wrapped around my legs. The heater was probably broken back then, too. The only physical difference worth mentioning is the fact that theres snow on the ground today. We didn't get any last year. The fact that it's quickly melting is only a pesky detail... But nonetheless. Same place.
Basing all of my information on the blog posts I had up at about this time last year, I've changed a LOT. Like, a lot a lot. I was depressed. Like, totally. I felt alone and abandoned, and my closest friendships were drifting farther and farther out of reach. Or perhaps I was swimming farther and farther away? Either way, it effected me in a hard way. And always being alone in my room probably didn't help either. Sometimes I would spin in circles in only my underclothes and wonder what I was doing with my life. No joke, I think that actually happened once. But I could be making that up... I wasn't in the right mindset. As the year went on, I tried to reach out to others a little more. I invited people to hang out, and would sit with people at lunch. I didn't want to be sad. But nothing really seemed to help... until that semester ended. Because it was the end of that semester that brought the beginning of a new me.
I didn't really go into details before about how me and Dane started dating. I mean, just months before, I was ridiculing the thought of being with a person. The idea was so repulsive to me. Especially the cuddling thing. Oh goodness, that horrified me. That much human contact? No thanks. So... what changed? That's not one of those questions you're supposed to read first, and find the answer somewhere in the paragraph. I honestly cannot tell you what happened. I can only go over the technicalities.
Maybe it started with the very first day. The day that I went home at last. As I might have mentioned before, I didn't have a car with me. Instead, if I wanted to go home, I'd have to hitch a ride with a friend, or somebody would have to come pick me up. In this case, once all of my classes were over, my older brother and Dane made the 4-hour drive from my hometown to give me a lift. It might have been the way he ran up to me and gave me a hug that I knew our friendship wasn't a lost cause. Even if things wouldn't be the same way they were the Best Summer (with memories to fond and precious for me to write out to the public), we knew that we had each other, and that was all that counted. We drove home, and spent the entire day together, making plans to be with each other until we were sick of seeing the other person's face. I didn't realize that would be such a hard task to fulfill. The first couple of weeks were relatively uneventful. My brother and sister, who are a year younger than me, had graduated from high school, so when they had their celebratory party, I invited Dane, so I wouldn't be completely alone. There was a point where we played a hide-and-seek game, and the two of us hid in a deep brush, where nobody wanted to venture, in fear of ticks. In short, we were together the whole night, and deeply enjoyed each other's company. But that isn't something that wouldn't be previously expected. Apparently, there had been a girl at the party that Dane had thought was cute. He asked me if I could get her contact information, and possibly hook them up. I disagreed with his choice, and instead insisted he try and talk to this other girl, who in my opinion was much cuter and had a better personality. But apparently she wasn't 'cuddly' enough for Dane. Whatever. And that's what he's all about. In reality, he just wanted somebody to cuddle with him. A Cuddle Buddy, is what he told me. Oh goodness... I remember him asking me if I ever thought about cuddling with people. I told him the idea disgusted me. He asked if I ever put him in that 'people' position, and after I told him that I had, and my feelings hadn't changed, I'm sure I crushed him. Hahah oh well. Okay, this paragraph is getting to big... PART 2!
Maybe this is where it really started. One day, my friends and I decided to have a bit of a camp-out. We didn't want to pay for a camping site, so we parked at my friends house, and slept in a tent in her back yard. That sounds horribly tacky, but she actually has a pretty... wild property, if you will. It was a lot of fun, and it seems weird to think that it wasn't that long ago. I had work the next morning, so Dane dropped me off, and I was forced to leave all of my belongings in his car. That was unfortunate, because there were things I needed in that backpack... but I figured I could always pick it up later that night. Skipping ahead due to laziness and the fact that the details simply aren't interesting at all... I found Dane hanging out at one of our mutual friend's poolside. I demanded my belongings, and declared that I was to tired to stick around. However, either I wasn't nearly as tired as I thought, or it was the tiredness that weakened my will, I was tricked into going over to Dane's house to watch a movie with him, and all of the other people who were also at the pool. He assured me that if I was too exhausted, I could always sleep on his shoulder. Oh geeze... my delirious mind was delighted by that statement.
God... that felt good... laying my head on a person's shoulder, their hands stroking my hair, and occasionally resting on my cheek, outlining my jawbone... Was it his hand that was shaking, or was it my whole being? Our bodies were pressed together on the leather couch. His back was turned to the TV, and my eyes were closed. What were we even watching? I don't remember. I just remember how happy I was to be next to him. I wasn't repulsed by his touch, like I would have been had it been another person. Any other person. Nobody could replace him. What snapped that night? I hadn't changed much... I had always wanted to be with him... but not always in that way.
From then on, things moved fast, and I changed drastically. I was no loner alone. I walked beside somebody and held their hand. I looked into a person's eyes and was completely happy. I kissed him. And I fell madly in love. Is that weird to say? Heck. I don't care what you think. I fell madly and deeply and wonderfully in love. I was a completely different person. I can't even comprehend the fact that last summer was just ONE summer. It had to have been two. Theres no way so much happened in such a short amount of time. I can't even begin to explain...
And I'm really not even going to try. This is actually all I'm gonna leave you with. I said I would explain technicalities. I also said I would go over more changes.... but things change. This post is long enough as is. And I have classes to go to. Theres more on my mind, and more I'd like to write about... But I think I'm done for now. Quite bluntly, too.
