If I keep telling myself that everyone is disposable, then maybe I'll start to believe it again. I used to believe it. I really did. Otherwise, I don't think I would have left. But I did. And I still am.
But now I don't feel like that. Suddenly I've become the one that is disposable. And I'm so terribly afraid of losing them. Suddenly the possibility of losing everything and everyone is so real and impending, that I don't think I can take it. I'm crushed with the feelings of loneliness.
Since when was loneliness a problem? Since when did I start to care? Since when did I want to belong?
But I'm already in too deep. I already chose this path, and I think its to late to turn back. I don't think there are other options.
So if I keep telling myself that I don't care, that I can find a new place, new people, a new life... then maybe it will hurt less when they all turn their backs.
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