Determination Through Fear

The past week has been a major freak out moment for me.

It may sound completely pessimistic, but I honestly believe you cannot make a living off of being an artist. Sure, you can teach art and survive off of that, but just being an artist? I don't think so. I think that career went out with the 18th century. The only people who make money off of art are dead people. Then again, I'm only talking about being a painter. There are tons of other options, including web design and, as I have chosen, manga artist. My views on fine arts inspired me to look more in depth to what getting into the manga industry actually takes. What I found was devastating at best. I've already realized that lots of people are way better than me (I've looked on Devianart). But manga is more than just being good at doing a cool color page: it's about story line. And I believe I have a really good story line going. I desperately want to get that story out. But so do millions of other people. Primarily Japanese people. And to be blunt, they have a better shot at the market than anyone else. That is, they have a better chance in the Japanese market. There are manga and anime companies in America that I could get into, and with much less of a fight. There are apparently rules against hiring foreigners, especially those who have little knowledge of the Japanese language. But half of my wanting to be a manga artist is living in Japan! I want to be there so bad that it hurts. Like, seriously. Sometimes I'll just have these major meltdown moments where I long for a place I've never even seen. Okay, done with the prologue.

I've been researching like crazy about the cost of living, job opportunities, travel permits, and such. I've decided to go along with a plan that I've been cooking up. Obviously, it has a ton of holes that I need to work out, but for a weeks worth, I'd say I'm doing pretty good. First of all, no matter how eager I am to get out of here, I need to graduate from college first. I'll study as hard as I can while I'm here, and let my skills grow. I'll work in my part time job and earn money to buy supplies, so that I can practice various techniques. Next semester, a Japanese language course will be offered. I'm going to take it (obviously?) and gradually learn more. I'm looking for a study abroad program, so that I can at least experience Japanese culture first hand, instead of being tossed into it as a part of the work force. After searching jobs online in Japan, I found that the best paying job (along with an internship I plan on getting) for an American would be to work at Tokyo Disney. Whether that be in the tourist department or as a princess look-alike, I would be completely happy. It turns out they're pretty short on white people, so that's a pretty high-probablility option.

Okay, I'm sorry this post couldn't be more interesting. This has been a major area that has bugged me, and I really just needed to write it out. I'm seriously freaking out about my future. This is something that I want to do, that I need to do. And I'll do whatever it takes to reach my goal.